GayWeddings.com

Hi Everyone-
This is my first post on this site. I found it because Ive been so overwhelmed with everything to do with my wedding that I feel completely out of control.
My partner and I have been together almost 4.5 years now, engaged for 3. She's fantastic, and my best friend. We decided on a small... very small wedding with family only.
My family is huge... like 3/4 of the guest list. Generally speaking, theyve dealt with the gay thing well, and generally let me do my own thing and dont question me. BUT throw a wedding in there and everyone has an opinion! The number of fights and tears that have been had and shed over this stupid event is ridiculous. My family wants something bigger than my partner and I want, and we've put our foot down about it. But I get guilt tripped wicked bad, and everyone comes to me like "whats wrong with you?". My sister wants to invite some two bit floozy she's been seeing for all of a few months, and flipped out when I said "no, family only". We're paying for it! why cant she see that she doesnt have a choice? suck it up!

On top of this, I live next to one of the two states that have gay marriage. I'm so stressed out about how to go about all the legal stuff. I never thought that this would affect me this much, but frankly I'm terrified and never felt more oppressed in my life. I'm applying for an apartment right now, and trying to get my fiance's name on the application is crazy! The woman was like "so, your fiance, is that Tom?" "no tom's my landlord", C--- is my fiance... see she's listed under co-applicant". I'm afraid to come out and say it to her, because what if she's homophobic and finds a reason to deny our housing? I never thought I'd have to deal with this. I need to know that it will be okay and I'm not totally out of line with my family. I mean, it is OUR party, right? not theirs.

Hi Margot!

Thanks for your post. Yes, all of this is really stressful. I am of the opinion that, most of all, your wedding day is your own and it is important to find the ways to honor that.

One strategy you might consider is to have the small wedding ceremony / reception you have planned, but to let your parents know that you and your partner would be honored to a attend a larger reception/party if they would like to host it. That way, they can be fully in charge of the guest list and invite whomever they wish.

The good news is that they feel strongly about celebrating and honoring your relationship. The bad news is that you've had this tension. In time, I trust you will work this out. Keep listening to your family and what their concerns are, but, in turn, continue to express to them the kind of celebration you and your partner want to have and help them understand why this is important.

Good luck!
Kathryn