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Hi - I am new to this forum and have been asked by my lovely friends John and Jeff to give a speech during their ceremony in May. They want me to write something about their relationship and what this commitment means to them. I am trawling around to find a couple of quotes to include, something funny, camp and lighthearted - maybe from an iconic figure - not too cynical but not puke making either - does anyone have any suggestions please? Many thanks for your help.... x

Hi Daisy!

Welcome aboard! Glad to have you in the forum.

I think your struggle with this is a common one! A friend of mine asked me to do a toast at her reception (a big one of 200+ folks at that!) and I wanted to be crisp, warm, funny and effective in my delivery. It's certainly an art form!

While mulling the toast over, I ended up thinking on the Reese's Peanut Buttercup commercials of the 70s/80. Remember when the strangers -- one carrying chocolate and one carrying peanut butter -- would crash into each other and after tasting the mix-up would proclaim that the two are "Two Great Tastes Which Taste Great Together." I ended up being able to wrap the toast around that story and added in a few ways in which each bride was important to me (and a few references to "bad hair" for which one bride and I were notoriously known in the late 80s).

For another couple, I didn't know how to sum it up, so I made a mockumentary based on an awkward moment when a group of friends noticed something was going one. A little iMovie goes a long way!

Do you have any favorite films from a previous decade or perhaps a film that you shared with John & Jeff? Perhaps there's a line or situations you can build off there?

You might also swing by your local gay bookstore and spend some time poking through books and magazines to see if anything strikes you.

If you need to follow a more serious tone (since it's during the ceremony), you might try reading up on May Sarton, Walt Whitman, Adrienne Rich or other gay poets who can give you a great starting point. And, there's nothing like taking a traditional verse usually reserved for a straight wedding and adapting it to your own purpose!

If you're not up for a simple live toast, consider the many multi-media options available to help you with your toast. Since this will take place during the ceremony, you might have to be more careful going this route.

Clearly John & Jeff think highly of you and know that you'll do a great job and be able to communicate your reflections effectively. It's high praise and I trust that you'll do a great job for them!

quote:

Originally posted by Kathryn:
While mulling the toast over, I ended up thinking on the Reese's Peanut Buttercup commercials of the 70s/80. Remember when the strangers -- one carrying chocolate and one carrying peanut butter -- would crash into each other and after tasting the mix-up would proclaim that the two are "Two Great Tastes Which Taste Great Together." I ended up being able to wrap the toast around that story and added in a few ways in which each bride was important to me (and a few references to "bad hair" for which one bride and I were notoriously known in the late 80s).

That's absolutely adorable!

To the original poster --

The toasts at our wedding were absolutely amazing. They lasted like an hour and I cried nearly the whole way through, except when I was giggling. I think what really made the toasts work is that they were heartfelt and not generic, in that everyone ended up telling a story or describing some particular relationship moment... rather than using historical quotes.

So think about John and Jeff and if there are any good stories about them individually that show how perfect they are for each other, or if there are any cute couple moments that you might be able to share in your speech... really any definitive moments that show how well-matched they are.

I think it's possible to add humor, but it's challenging, so if you're not sure, I would suggest erring on the side of leaving it out. I think everyone expects a little bit of sap during wedding speeches, and you shouldn't feel under too much pressure to be funny or witty... just be sincere and try to relate specifics back to the couple as much as possible, and everyone will love it, especially Jeff and John.

There are a lot of books on toastmaking, and I'd suggest checking a couple out from the library to get a framework of how to go about working that story into a good speech.

Oh, and I think that 5 minutes is a good length to shoot for.

Jenny

quote:

There are a lot of books on toastmaking, and I'd suggest checking a couple out from the library to get a framework of how to go about working that story into a good speech.

Psst -- these books will be chockful of wedding-appropriate quotes, too, though not gay-wedding specific, obviously.

Ooooh... I just now got what you're asking. You're not asking about reception toasts and speeches, you're asking about the CEREMONY, which I think is a whole different ballgame.

I might pick a reading and then discuss for a bit what it means in the context of the relationship to make it a speech.

Some of my favorites (i.e. the ones we had at our wedding) are:
- e.e. cummings, i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
- song of solomon from the bible, various exerpts - even if you/they are not religious, it's a beautiful love poem, and it might be a good middle ground for religious and nonreligious members to relate to.
- shakespeare's sonnets, especially "let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments"
- apache wedding blessing

Some great recommendations, Countess!

I totally relate to your experience about the toasting. We had all of these friends get up at our reception and say these incredibly witty and warm things. It was very inspiring and we learned a great deal more about our friendships and our community during those toasts!

My partner and I love doing dedications and toasts at weddings or other special ceremonies for friends & family.