GayWeddings.com

For my fiancée and I, figuring out our guest list was the hardest thing for us. We don't have very many friends that we would invite, and we're aiming for a very comfortable and accepting atmosphere. That's left our guest list below twenty, all female, and all friends, which works out fine for us.

But then there's our parents. We don't want to deny them being included in such an important event, but we're trying to come up with a solution to this delicate situation.

We currently live in Florida, but we'll be moving to Washington state in the early part of next year. Our wedding is planned for October in San Francisco, CA.

My parents know about our relationship. They're accepting, but not overly generous with help. My parents and I have never been close, but I'm fairly positive my mother would go into overdrive when she hears. My father, on the other hand, is a complete ass during weddings. Grumpy, shows up in a tee shirt, nearly fights with my mother. It's horrible.

My fiancée's parents are a different story. They're controlling. She's told her mother about our relationship before, and her mother spat out a "You're not gay." back in her face. She's entirely convinced (read that as 'absolutely terrified') that her parents will disown her when she has to tell them again, and add the fact we're getting married to it. She would love for her parents to be accepting.

We're both of the opinion that our parents mingling with our friends even if they're all accepting might not be the greatest idea, as it could put way too much stress on us and ruin our big day.

So we've devised this idea, and I want outside opinions on this.

We're going to invite our friends, and plan the San Francisco wedding for us and them to be there. Invitations will go to our parents (we both don't have much family aside from them who would go, so it won't hurt an entire family), but we'll discuss with them the truth of the matter.

For us, once we leave California, our marriage is not legal in any of our home states. It's for us and that's the important thing. So we considered that we will tell our families that when it does become legal in the other states, we will either have a vow renewal that includes them (giving them plenty of time to get used to the idea), or if legalities call for it - another wedding.

I wonder if we're being too optimistic, though. My mother loves a 'project', and I'm so afraid that she will be thrilled and want to have everything to do with our wedding. I don't want to have to tell her that she can't come, but it's not what I want. I feel like it'll be better to separate our unconventional friends from our unconventional family to save both sides the headache.

Any outsider thoughts on the idea would be fantastic!