GayWeddings.com

Hi everyone.

My dad and Brian's mom have both passed. These were huge events in both our lives, and we really want to do something special to acknowledge them, rather than just have their names read in a list as I have seen so many times.

A friend of mine lit a large candle for her mom who had passed, and the minister told everyone what she was doing and why. That might work, but I was trying to think of something, I don't know, a little more than lighting a candle.

I literally just woke up thinking about this.

Going on the candle theme, and disliking the list being rattled off, I would have to do something like this:

Have one large candle for my dad, one smaller one for my grandmother & grandfather, and two small ones - one each for another grandfather, and my best friend Joey who died a few years ago. I'd like someone to announce the purpose of each candle as I light it.

Unless anyone can think of something else - what have you guys done, if anything?

Thanks

Tony

We had a section in our program where we acknowledged all the people who couldn't be there to share the day with us (especially our late grandparents). Our officiant also incorporated wording that was deliberately inclusive of loved ones who have passed away in one spot (I think the blessing, perhaps?).

Other than that, we left more explicit mentions out of the ceremony, because some of it was quite recent and we wanted to keep the occasion happy rather than causing everyone to go back into grieving mode. Again, your situation may be quite different, but I would trust your officiant on how to incorporate this in a way that keeps the focus on the wedding aspect but also appropriately honors those who have passed away!

Regardless of what you do at the ceremony, for YOU there are a lot of private rituals that are ideal for honoring lost loved ones, e.g. the "something old, something new" tradition, or choice of flowers. All of our old/borrowed/blue/sixpence items honored our grandparents and other lost relatives, and made us feel connected to them, but also wouldn't have been obvious to everyone else (i.e. we carried handkerchiefs and wore jewelery).

We also had a display of family wedding photos at the reception going back 100 years, including the relatives who had passed away. This was a big hit in general, and particularly nice because it allowed you to focus on the late relations in a happier time.

Tony, that sounds great. I as well and my fiancée have several people we've lost. I do not want to use your idea, but I'm going to do something similar. Having custom candles made, with names engraved, and maybe having everyone light, as a moment of silence type thing. Does that make sense? They can use the custom made matches which will be on each table. We are just beginning to think of things (setting a date last night for Dec 8) Jeez.

In my ceremonies, I use a quote from Welly Yang, the playwrite;

We are all a culmination of the people who came before us, and we are here to finish the dreams they left unfinished.

and then,
"We include in our thoughts this morning those who cannot be with us though we know they are here in spirit. Let's take a moment of silence to remember them with fondness. We know they rejoice with us today.

Respectful, but not too somber...

J and I each had a grandparent we especially wanted to remember, and one of J's other grandparents and one of her friends who was going to be at our wedding both passed away just a month before, so we did two things. First, we dedicated our programs to the two who had recently passed. Then, as I had asked my sister to co-officiate with the minister, we had her write a special piece about the meaning of our grandparents in our wedding- she did a really beautiful job, it was one more way to include someone special in the planning, and then I didn't have to worry about saying just the right thing because I trusted her to write it well. We also put a framed photo of J's grandfather next to our table at the reception and have some pictures of her with it. Good luck. -Kate-

I wanted to mention my Dad and step-dad who has both passed in my wedding. My Mom was kind of hard-nosed about it, saying only happy things amy

But I got my way and I had the Justice of the Peace read some touching words that I had found.

It was lovely and I was glad to include it.